carly's galaxy

This is not even what I think. This is just a vision of me created by something not even I understand. Whatever I do, however I feel. I’m not necessarily the one in control. The emotions and actions are defined for me. It’s like there’s two souls inside of me, never combined but always fighting. They know each other, they cannot live without each other. They’re extremes and extremes need to find their inner standard. When those extremes collide there’s no space to take it all in, no way to cope with the explosion of thoughts. The mind creates a dark space, kind of like a black hole, it might be empty, but it’s still black and even emptiness is an emotion, not a positive one that’s for sure. The thing is once you’re inside, that’s everything you’ll ever be. You can try to get out, you can make that choice. Your body won’t listen though. It’s impossible without help. Just think about it. Imagine the ground starting to crack and suddenly you fall and there’s nothing to hold onto. You’ve already fallen too deep and you realize you need help to get up again. To be able to cry for help you have to climb at least a few feet up to the ground, otherwise your cry will stay unheard, ignored & sucked into oblivion, leaving you alone with yourself. So get up and then scream. Scream. Scream as loud as you can. You’re not there yet but you’ve come far. Somebody will help you but what can they do if they’re still standing on the solid ground? How can they help? They have to reach out to you. The only way to do that is to enter that dark space of yours. If they try to help, they become part of the darkness holding you down. That way the darkness is able to consume them as well and spread like a disease. An almost incurable and deadly disease. You will eventually get to the top but you’ll always stay on the edge. Everything is a risk, every motion could make you fall. Every conversation, every action, every insult has the power to make you lose control and your emotional balance.

Let’s talk about the stuff I got for Christmas, not because I want to brag about it or anything but because I like reading posts like this and all the presents made me very happy so I want to tell you about them.
(They are not arranged in a special order just in case you were wondering.)

1. A TRIP TO MANCHESTER

This is my favorite because I’ve been wanting to go there for so long (I’ve been there before but that was when I took part in the school exchange program so I didn’t get to do the things I actually wanted to do). My dad is gonna come with me and I’m already so excited!!! I’m especially looking forward to visiting York which is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.

2. WRECK THIS JOURNAL

I’ve seen so many people on Instagram whose journal was covered in beautiful words and drawings and many of them told me they’d been inspired by wreck this journal. I haven’t started it yet but I’m so looking forward to doing that. If you don’t know what the point of the book is, you can look it up online but it’s basically like a book that tells you what to do with the page you’re on, e.g. write a word over and over again. In the end it will look wrecked and used.

3. GIFT CARDS – H & M, EXPERT (ELECTRONICS SHOP), EXTRABLATT (RESTAURANT), DOUGLAS

I don’t think I need to explain why I like gift cards.

4. DVDS – IT’S KIND OF A FUNNY STORY, SHAMELESS SEASON 4

I wanted to read it’s kind of a funny story and I got the book on December 6^th, so my mum thought it would be cool to watch the movie, in addition to reading the story. The other DVD makes me so so happy because Shameless is one of my favorite TV shows (you should totally watch it, s6 comes out in January) and of course I’ve already seen season 4 but DVDs are always good for re-watching TV shows or movies.

5. BEAUTY BEHIND THE MADNESS – THE WEEKND

This album has got to be one of my 2015 favorites. Abel is so talented and his voice is very soothing. The lyrics aren’t very relatable, at least not for me but with him that definitely doesn’t matter because who cares about lyrics when the melody and voice sound so fucking good. My favorite songs on the album are Acquainted, Dark Times (feat. Ed Sheeran) and Prisoner (feat. Lana del Rey). GO BUY BBTM ON ITUNES!

6. A BLACK JACKET FROM URBAN CLASSICS

My aunt got me the jacket and the first thing I thought was oh shit that is so not my style. When I took a closer look at it I realized it’s actually pretty cool. It’s kind of a longer hoodie and you can wear it with any outfit because it’s so simple and sporty. I wore it with a dress two days ago and today I’m wearing it with ripped jeans, a basic grey shirt and black converse.

Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve we usually go to my grandma's house. There we eat chicken soup and schnitzel (sooo german). This year, however, it was different because my grandpa died two years ago and my grandma’s been really confused lately so we thought it would be better to go out for dinner on the 25^th. As a consequence my Christmas Eve was pretty boring and the only thing we did was unwrap the presents my parents got for us.

First day of Christmas

Well on the 25^th we went out for lunch with my grandma and my uncle’s family and it was my first time actually having Christmas lunch somewhere else other than in my grandma’s kitchen, so that was a new experience and we made the best out of it. After we finished lunch we went to my grandma’s flat and unwrapped all our presents and then spent a few hours talking. It was probably good that Christmas was different this year because it was a way to prevent any tears that might have rolled down our faces while thinking about my grandpa and our tradition. My grandpa wasn’t the only one missing this year, my cousin has been helping the refugees in areas where help is needed so he’s travelling and missing out on our special family day to help people who are not lucky enough to spend their day with their family without thinking about the danger they’re in.
After leaving my grandma’s flat we went back home and had dinner with my mum’s best friend. We played board games and laughed a lot while singing along to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. I won and everyone else quit the game so as an alternative we all started dancing to 80s music. We turned the day that was meant to be very peaceful and quiet into a day of partying. That worked for us and it made me so happy because my parents have been fighting a lot lately but on that day they danced together and they seemed more than happy. You should know most days go like this: My dad’s at work, my brother watches TV, my mum cleans the house and I watch TV shows online. We never talk, We never even sit in the same room for more than an hour. We were so carefree that everyone forgot about the presents and I think that’s wonderful because having a great time together and appreciating the family you have is the whole point of Christmas.

Second day of Christmas

On the second day of Christmas we went over to my other grandma’s house and celebrated with the other side of the family, including my 4 cousins. The day wasn’t that special because it’s the same routine every single year and I’ve never really enjoyed it because I get the feeling that my uncle and aunt kind of hate my mum (their my dad’s siblings btw). Whenever our family, my parents and I say something everyone judges us for it and we always feel left out. All in all it was a cool day and I got nice presents but it wasn’t awesome so I’m not gonna explain everything in detail. Later on, my dad’s best friend came over and we ordered pizza, which wasn’t that much fun either.

Okay so that was it and if you made it to this line then you’re probably bored af and have nothing better to do than read an article about the stuff I did last weekend. I can’t blame you though, I had an interesting Christmas. Thanks for reading. xx

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carly's galaxy

DIARY: MANCHESTER

THOUGHTS PT. 1

POEM: MY DAYDREAMS ARE MY ONLY ESCAPE

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

MY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

MY CHRISTMAS

FIRST POST/DECEMBER SONG FAVORITES