THOUGHTS PT. 1
This is not
even what I think. This is just a vision of me created by something not even I understand.
Whatever I do, however I feel. I’m not necessarily the one in control. The emotions
and actions are defined for me. It’s like there’s two souls inside of me, never
combined but always fighting. They know each other, they cannot live without
each other. They’re extremes and extremes need to find their inner standard.
When those extremes collide there’s no space to take it all in, no way to cope
with the explosion of thoughts. The mind creates a dark space, kind of like a
black hole, it might be empty, but it’s still black and even emptiness is an
emotion, not a positive one that’s for sure. The thing is once you’re inside,
that’s everything you’ll ever be. You can try to get out, you can make that
choice. Your body won’t listen though. It’s impossible without help. Just think
about it. Imagine the ground starting to crack and suddenly you fall and there’s
nothing to hold onto. You’ve already fallen too deep and you realize you need
help to get up again. To be able to cry for help you have to climb at least a
few feet up to the ground, otherwise your cry will stay unheard, ignored &
sucked into oblivion, leaving you alone with yourself. So get up and then
scream. Scream. Scream as loud as you can. You’re not there yet but you’ve come
far. Somebody will help you but what can they do if they’re still standing
on the solid ground? How can they help? They have to reach out to you. The only
way to do that is to enter that dark space of yours. If they try to help, they
become part of the darkness holding you down. That way the darkness is able to
consume them as well and spread like a disease. An almost incurable and deadly
disease. You will eventually get to the top but you’ll always stay on the edge.
Everything is a risk, every motion could make you fall. Every conversation,
every action, every insult has the power to make you lose control and your
emotional balance.
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